Well… I suspect this post will not be too popular….
Micah 7:6-7 English Standard Version (ESV)
6 for the son treats the father with contempt,
the daughter rises up against her mother,
the daughter-in-law against her mother-in-law;
a man’s enemies are the men of his own house.
7 But as for me, I will look to the Lord;
I will wait for the God of my salvation;
my God will hear me.
I suspect some of you have never been through it. Never had someone in your family become your enemy.
I’m happy for you. May you never have the experience.
But… for the rest of us….
The issue is NOT how I FEEL. The issue is NOT my reputation. Not inside my church. Not in my community. Not professionally. Not at all.
The issue is not whether my church listens to both sides… or takes the other person’s side…. Divorce amongst Christians is no prettier than divorce amongst pagans…. The only thing that seems to be missing is some of the hypocrisy….
The issue is not who controls the spin….
Not whether I am treated fairly…. Not whether I get JUSTICE… Not whether I clear my name….
Funny….
God doesn’t seem to care about ANY of that….
God HATES divorce….
16 “For the man who does not love his wife but divorces her,[a] says the Lord, the God of Israel, covers[b] his garment with violence, says the Lord of hosts. So guard yourselves in your spirit, and do not be faithless.”
Footnotes:
- Malachi 2:16 Hebrew who hates and divorces
- Malachi 2:16 Probable meaning (compare Septuagint and Deuteronomy 24:1–4); or “The Lord, the God of Israel, says that he hates divorce, and him who covers
God HATES dishonesty….
God IS Just….
God IS a jealous god. And… his most frequent comment about himself is that he is HOLY… not that he is loving… as many Christian churches seem to think was his main message… because it fills the pews…. Missing the point… that God reserves for himself the Remnant….
So… I believe I am Chosen…. But to show my love for God… I must follow his commandments…. And his commandment… is that I do everything within my power to reconcile…. To forgive…. Everything…. As he forgives…. Me….
But… what if my wife doesn’t want to…? What if she turns people against me…? What am I supposed to do…?
But… God is not at my beck and call….
Forgive. As I am forgiven. Continue to work towards reconciliation. No matter what is said. No matter what is done.
Not necessarily contest…. But… continue to support…. Financially…. Continue to cover….
I can find no Scripture that releases a man from his responsibilities towards his wife… even if she hates him…. Even if she spreads lies…. Even if she steals….
The only Biblical out is adultery… and physical abandonment… and even then… we are supposed to forgive… support… and seek reconciliation….
Matthew 19:9 English Standard Version (ESV)
9 And I say to you: whoever divorces his wife, except for sexual immorality, and marries another, commits adultery.”[a]
Footnotes:
- Matthew 19:9 Some manuscripts add and whoever marries a divorced woman commits adultery; other manuscripts except for sexual immorality, makes her commit adultery, and whoever marries a divorced woman commits adultery
This teaching is hard. Jesus’ Apostles and Disciples said it was hard. If people staring into Jesus’ eyes as he said it thought the teaching was hard, then I cannot imagine it’s gotten any softer for any of us mere mortals….
Matthew 19:10-12 English Standard Version (ESV)
10 The disciples said to him, “If such is the case of a man with his wife, it is better not to marry.” 11 But he said to them, “Not everyone can receive this saying, but only those to whom it is given. 12 For there are eunuchs who have been so from birth, and there are eunuchs who have been made eunuchs by men, and there are eunuchs who have made themselves eunuchs for the sake of the kingdom of heaven. Let the one who is able to receive this receive it.”
The word that Jesus associates with Divorce is “schlerocardia” in Koine Greek. Having a hard heart. It’s the same word that Moses used to describe Pharaoh’s heart… before God delivered his people out of slavery….
Matthew 19:3-8 English Standard Version (ESV)
3 And Pharisees came up to him and tested him by asking, “Is it lawful to divorce one’s wife for any cause?” 4 He answered, “Have you not read that he who created them from the beginning made them male and female, 5 and said, ‘Therefore a man shall leave his father and his mother and hold fast to his wife, and the two shall become one flesh’? 6 So they are no longer two but one flesh. What therefore God has joined together, let not man separate.” 7 They said to him, “Why then did Moses command one to give a certificate of divorce and to send her away?” 8 He said to them, “Because of your hardness of heart Moses allowed you to divorce your wives, but from the beginning it was not so.
The Apostles… the Disciples… the Priests… the Scribes… the Pharisees… and the people who were gathered to be healed and fed… ALL would have recognized the context of his words…. “Your hearts are like Pharaoh’s….” A damning accusation….
Exodus 9:12 English Standard Version (ESV)
12 But the Lord hardened the heart of Pharaoh, and he did not listen to them, as the Lord had spoken to Moses.
But… what about the church…? What about the Pastors…. What about the Deacons and Elders…? Aren’t they supposed to be impartial…? Listen to both sides…? Seek to follow Scripture…? Promote reconciliation…?
Yes. That’s what Proverbs says. And… that’s what Paul says…. Don’t settle things before non-Christians in Court because you make Jesus… the Bridegroom… look bad…. Make God look weak…. Impotent….Unpalatable…. A bad witness before the Unsaved….
And… that is what Paul… and Jesus… and God… seem to be most concerned about…. Salvation of Sinners…. And… that is linked to the exercise of Forgiveness by the Forgiven…. Without excuse…. Without exception….
The Principle of Two Witnesses demands that anyone charged be allowed to answer those charges… and no unsubstantiated charges be allowed…. Paul also addresses women who seek to profit at the expense of others so that they can have their days free in I Timothy 5….
But… the church is filled with humans…. Who make mistakes…. Ministers who are more afraid of Man’s Law than God’s Law…. Who are more smitten by the concept of human love… than God’s Holiness…. Minister’s who suffer from schlerocardia… and cannot conceive that God really meant what he said in Scripture….
ALL men suffer from Pride…. That includes me…. My response needs to be Forgiveness…. Radical forgiveness…. As I was forgiven…. Without requiring explanation…. Without requiring apology….
What does Paul say about separation in Christian marriage…?
Permanent separation…. Refusal to reconcile…. Are tantamount to a statement of disbelief in the Sovereign Power of God…. But don’t take my word for it….
1 Corinthians 7:1-15 English Standard Version (ESV)
Principles for Marriage
7 Now concerning the matters about which you wrote: “It is good for a man not to have sexual relations with a woman.” 2 But because of the temptation to sexual immorality, each man should have his own wife and each woman her own husband. 3 The husband should give to his wife her conjugal rights, and likewise the wife to her husband. 4 For the wife does not have authority over her own body, but the husband does. Likewise the husband does not have authority over his own body, but the wife does. 5 Do not deprive one another, except perhaps by agreement for a limited time, that you may devote yourselves to prayer; but then come together again, so that Satan may not tempt you because of your lack of self-control.
6 Now as a concession, not a command, I say this.[a] 7 I wish that all were as I myself am. But each has his own gift from God, one of one kind and one of another.
8 To the unmarried and the widows I say that it is good for them to remain single as I am. 9 But if they cannot exercise self-control, they should marry. For it is better to marry than to burn with passion.
10 To the married I give this charge (not I, but the Lord): the wife should not separate from her husband 11 (but if she does, she should remain unmarried or else be reconciled to her husband), and the husband should not divorce his wife.
12 To the rest I say (I, not the Lord) that if any brother has a wife who is an unbeliever, and she consents to live with him, he should not divorce her. 13 If any woman has a husband who is an unbeliever, and he consents to live with her, she should not divorce him. 14 For the unbelieving husband is made holy because of his wife, and the unbelieving wife is made holy because of her husband. Otherwise your children would be unclean, but as it is, they are holy. 15 But if the unbelieving partner separates, let it be so. In such cases the brother or sister is not enslaved. God has called you[b] to peace.
Footnotes:
- 1 Corinthians 7:6 Or I say this:
- 1 Corinthians 7:15 Some manuscripts us
What’s the bottom line…?
God calls men to “Do the right thing”. Not the easy thing. Not the most profitable thing. Not the most desirable thing.
For God’s own purposes….
Micah 6:8
English Standard Version (ESV)
8 He has told you, O man, what is good;
and what does the Lord require of you
but to do justice, and to love kindness,[a]
and to walk humbly with your God?
Footnotes:
- Micah 6:8 Or steadfast love
Men are commanded to love their wives. Wives are not commanded to love their husbands. They are commanded to obey. Their husbands. But God first.
God’s definition of Love is not man’s ephemeral understanding. Nor woman’s temporary feelings.
No matter what… I am responsible to try my best to follow God’s Laws and Christ’s Commandments… to demonstrate my love for God… which must be extended to man… and woman… even when I am being shown nothing but hate….
Because submitting to God… glorifies God…. In God’s own time….
the Dark Mirror: Reflections for Flawed Christians 